I don’t know how to pronounce my last name, by Hailey Fiallos

The other day, my friends asked me “why is your last name pronounced Fee-all-os instead of Fee-ay-os?”, to which I replied, “I don’t know, that’s just always how my dad has pronounced it”. I went home that day and asked my father how our last name is pronounced and he answered “the proper pronunciation is Fee-ay-os but the American way is Fee-all-os”. So how is my last name really pronounced? To answer that loaded question, I honestly don’t know. Provided that I live in a predominantly white community, one would think the American pronunciation would be just fine. However, I recently realized that throughout my entire life, I have been deprived of my culture and did not even consider another pronunciation to my last name. Therefore, I now believe that the American pronunciation will now simply not suffice. Instead, I am determined to understand where I come from and fill this empty void in myself.

This realization in early 2022 sparked a new found curiosity in me of what my culture was. Due to the fact that I am constantly surrounded by people of other cultures, my whole life I haven’t known my own. Being 75% Latina, I used to always explain to my friends the traditional Latin things my family and I would do, such as large family gatherings and making tamales for Christmas. But doing all of these things never made me feel Latina. Instead, I often felt like the odd man out with my extended family because I felt so white-washed, as if I’m not “latina enough” for them. They would say some words in Spanish or talk about their favorite Mexican candy, all of which I had never been exposed to.

On the contrary, sometimes my friends will make hurtful comments regarding my culture and are oblivious to the weight such comments hold. For example, one time a mariachi band was playing at my school to honor Hispanic Heritage Month and a friend said, “Hailey, is that your dad playing music up there?” At first, I was confused at what the person was even saying, until I realized they weren’t joking, they were being racist. As hard as I tried not to take this “joke” personally and brush it aside, I couldn’t get over the fact of how insensitive it was. Rather than confronting the person as I should have, I went home and discussed it with my mother, which helped me get this “joke” off my mind. Many people often fail to recognize the magnitude of racial comments and how it can affect others. While this isn’t a prime of example of standing up for oneself, it is important to do so in order to help increase understanding and insensitivity.

So as an update, the question of whether I know how to pronounce my last name or not continues to stand as something I want to explore. In situations where I don’t feel comfortable by those around me, the American pronunciation will suffice. But as I continue to tap into my Latin culture and wear it with pride, the Hispanic pronunciation will one day prevail, my void will be filled, and I will be a proud Latina.

By Hailey Fiallos, SBFC Youth Advisory member

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